I had a nightmare last night, suffice it to say that to anyone else it would probably not have been a nightmare, simply an odd dream. But to me the circumstances were painful. Imagine if you took the situation in your past that caused the most emotional pain and placed your current hopes in a sequel with the same plot, then you get the idea. It’s not the sort of nightmare that goes away when you get up since it is based in your past and seems the misfortunate path of your future. A nightmare lasts a minute and is over with morning but regret is a cancer and in that possiblity lurks the fear that this shadow might come to pass.

“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.” Fear comes and feeds when you mind is least alert when you are quiet, when you rest. It brings destruction when you act or don’t act as result of it.

It came to haunt me on the car ride home from work. I asked the question,
“Why God? Why do I care and why does that make me so helpless. What’s to divert this path? There’s more questions in that despair than I care to unwrap but as I thought about it the words came to me, “there’s more than life”. Regardless of the pain in this life… that’s not the end. This is the reason I can still hope.

Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. -Matthew 10:39